boys suck

so ive been trying to go to sleep but i failed at it..im so crushed right now its not even funny

i read my last entry and me saying how happy shane made me..well now that is a bunch of bullshit..when i got home from north carolina i got to hang out with him and he did make me happy then..we were flirting and whenever i stood next to him i would have my arms around him and when i left his side he said it was cold and how warm i was so i should come back over to him then suddenly it all changed..on tuesday night after bowling with fatty, kelly and mark i texted shane to see what he was up to and asked him if he wanted to hang out with me and nicole and he said no..then nicole texted him and donnie texted that he didnt like nicole..so then later i called shane and asked if we could hang out and he asked if nicole was there and i said yea cause i wasnt going to lie to him and he was like then no i dont want to hang out and then kept rambling on about why he doesnt like her and then he says "i have no problem with you though." so i say well call me later this week and we will just hang out and he says yea ok..then the next day nicole is texting donnie and finds out that shane doesnt like nicole or me..so i messaged him on myspace(since he wont answer to texts) saying how im nothing like nicole and how he needs to give me a chance and he reads it but doesnt reply back or anything..so then tonight i texted donnie asking him if it was true that shane hates me and he said "i dont know who he likes or dislikes all i know is that he has no desire to hang out with you guys right now"..you guys..so he must be talking about me, nicole and becky..first off i dont like becky and shane knows that cause i told him so..i just dont understand why he doesnt like me..i did nothing to deserve this..ive been crying on and off for like 2 days now cause he was the only guy lately that i felt comfortable being myself around and now he just randomly hates me..i know ill get over it and find someone else but im really sad cause i thought things would have worked out between shane and i and it didnt..im just tired of things not working out and im tired of crying right now

smile

so im back in north carolina and its 2:30 in the morning and i cant sleep..i want to sleep..but cant because my dad is snoring so fucking loud it drove me crazy so now im outside typing this because myspace is slow right now..

the last couple of days i was at home with no parents and those couple of days were amazing..no i didnt throw a huge party at my house or anything like that..i sat up at dunkin donuts with some friends til like 4 in the morning every night..one might think this to be really boring but it has been so much fun..it usually starts out with me, nicole and kelly hanging out there and then kelly goes home to sleep since she usually works early at the bakery..then michael comes and then shane comes and then shane and michael usually play guitar and we just hang out and crack jokes and listen to them play..the best night was when shane and michael and their friend donny came to dd and they made up a song about anal..it was soo funny and shane sang a song that i call the pretty song because the lyrics and melody are so amazing and pretty i just love it..ive had the chorus stuck in my head all night "ohh oh oh ohh i know a girl and shes so pretty..ohhh oh oh oh i like her and she likes me" thats all i know but i love it but i really like shane because whenever he sings a nice love song he always looks at me and i cant fully explain how he looks at me but it makes me melt and makes me feel like he is just singing to me and no one else whos around..but i know if i ever decided to date him it wouldnt be too serious because he is moving to nashville in a couple weeks..i just hope i get to see him before he leaves..i dont know i just love being around him because i feel pretty and cute when im around him and i just feel happy and alive..but whatever im not going to really overthink this too much because i know if something is supposed to happen then it will..im not going to force anything thats not ready to work

but besides shane making me feel good about myself..ive been making myself feel good about myself..i think i am really starting to get over things that happened in past friendships..mostly with emily..and am finally letting go of all the hurt that came along with that..ive finally been waking up feeling good about myself and about my life..it took me awhile to get to this place and my faith and patience has payed off because i am so happy with life right now..i am so ready to meet some new people who arnt negative or drama causing..im ready to meet some new guys if nothing happens with shane..i am just so happy and content with things that its making me sick but im glad im finally happy because i deserve to be

north carolina

so i just got back from obx,nc so im going to write about things that happened during the week

so on saturday 7-7-07 the family, fatty and i started our trip at about 6 in the morning and i had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep and had to drive all day but i was ready to conquer my fear of driving on the highway which i did fine on..i drove on the highway, went through tunnels and over bridges..i felt pretty powerful since im usually scared of crashing on highways, tunnels and bridges but we got to obx at around 5 because the traffic was horrible

the first couple of days were relaxing..just going to the beach and the pool and on tuesday we played bingo at the clubhouse and fatty won 20 dollars! then on wednesday we met a guy named hunter(i actually thought his name was connor but fatty and julie swore his name was hunter so ill go with that) and he looked to be around 17 but we soon found out he was 14 which was a bummer but what was more of a bummer was that he thought that nicole was 15 and i was 13 and he was surprised when he found out we were 18 and 19..but we soon found out that 14 year olds are annoying and he also turned into a stalker which wasnt much fun but we eventually got rid of him

on thursday night some people were setting off fireworks on the beach so me and fatty decided to go sit on the gazebo to watch them..then i thought of going on the beach to watch them and when we got down there some mexican(i think) started talking to fatty and i and was getting really close to us and was extremly creepy so i saw a group of people and told fatty that we needed to go join our group over there to get away from the creep and as we walked past the ground some guys started talking to us so i quickly said to them "can we join your group for a second because that creepy guy is trying to talk to us and hes weird." so the guys said we could hang out with them and they were soo nice..their names were brandon, ryan and casey and there were two girls there named lindsey and caitlin and we found out that the guys went to virginia tech but two of them transferred and i wanted to ask them if they transferred because of the shootings but didnt because i figured they were on vacation and probably didnt want to talk about it but anyway we hung out with them for about an hour and the guys walked us back to our place just incase the creepy guy was lurking around any corners

then after the guys walked us to our place fatty and i decided to sit on the balcony where a couple of different guys were walking around and invited us to go swimming in the pool that was closed and we denied their request cause we didnt want to get in trouble becausse security guards walk around the condos and the guys did get kicked out..long story short we were talking to them from the balcony and then walked outside to hang out with them for awhile..their names were colin and ricky..colin kinda looked like justin chatwin and ricky looked like justin timberlake from his nsync days..they were both soo cute and really cool to talk to

so thursday night was my favorite night of the week because of all the new people i met..meeting the first group allowed me to realize that there still are nice guys who will protect you from creeps even when you are complete strangers and the other guys just allowed me to see that there are cute nice and funny guys out there in the world

but today we left which is how i got into my first car accident..boo..we were in a crowded parking lot and i was waiting for these stupid boys to park their fucking truck and i couldnt get around them because they were backing up into the spot and had to back in and out a million times and i couldnt back up because there were more cars so i was stuck in the middle and there was a truck next to me who didnt see that i was behind him and he backed up into the side of my car..i was pissed but the dent isnt tooo bad..its pretty big but not bad and the guy was cool about the whole thing and took full responsibility for it and we got his insurance and all that shit from him so it was all good..then we had to stop at my aunts house for what seemed like forever and eventually we left there and drove a million hours and now im back home..i had so much fun at the beach with fatty and my family but i missed life in bel air..i missed kelly, mark, my hammy, my bed, and the dunkin donuts guy so im sad to leave the beach but im glad to be home and ready to get my car fixed

im a pier one pro

yesterday was fun!

so yesterday i work 5-10 with beth which kinda sucked cause beth is kinda bitch and she likes to rearange the whole entire store which is what i did all night and then i got a text from fatty about how dave invited us to go bowling with him and some of his friends so after work..around 10ish fatty and i went up to perry hall lanes to do some bowling

so we get there and daves lane and i look to see who his friends are and its a guy named brian eaves who i had a little crush on in high school..not like a big crush just an afar crush because i would see him in the hallway and think he was cute and once he worked at a snowball stand and he made my snowball but thats about it so i was excited to be bowling with him but part of me was nervous cause i was like ''omG what if i really suck at bowling tonight?" but luckily i was awesome and kicked everyones ass so that was a relief then we left and he left and fatty, dave and i went to dunkin donuts where i got a wheat bagel with butter..we all sat outside in the parking lot just eating and talking when some guys drove by and threw a drink at us which was rude but it didnt hit anyone but whatever

there were a group of guys sitting across from us playing guitar and they invited us over, one guy was named donnie and it was his birthday and then there was a guy named shane who had an amazing voice and then some other guy who played guitar and was cute until he started smoking. they were all really nice and they invited us to come see shane play at some coffee house so im sure ill see them again then i took fatty home and drove past the dunkin donuts to see that the cops had come and broke up the guys little jam session which sucks cause cops ruin everything i mean seriously would they rather have kids sitting outside playing music not bothering anyone or having them all underage drink? cops really need to stop being douchebags and start worring about serious crimes instead of busting kids hanging out in front of dunkin donuts

but im excited because next week i will be at ocean city for another senior week!!!! its going to be awesome i just know it!